Moving Past the Comfort Zone

I am truly baffled at the fact that we are already in February. Where has the time gone? I’m doing my best to add some spice to my life here; I felt that in the early winter, I was falling into a routine, but we’re in 2020 now, and I’m doing my best to break out of my comfort zone whenever I can and break the cycle of doing the same thing every ay. From exploring more parts of the city to spending less time in front of a screen to trying to new foods I wouldn’t normally go for. Perhaps the biggest break to my comfort zone is also the most exciting: the time has come once again for another two-week vacation from school, and I’ve got ambitious plans. I feel like the last six weeks of classes really ran past me- it’s very hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that I’m about to spend two weeks away from my darling students and my wonderful co-workers. But I won’t have too much time to miss them- when I said my plans are ambitious, I meant it. In a mere two days, I will be embarking on the longest vacation of my life, hitting five new cities in four countries I have never been to.

I’m starting my journey in France, but I’ll be moving east over the course of two weeks- the furthest east I’ve been in Europe is Berlin, and I’m very excited to see the Czech Republic, Austria, and Hungary for the first time. The Prague-Vienna-Budapest route has been a dream of mine for around two years: when I was studying abroad, it was my dream to spend a few weeks of the summer taking the train along that path. I ended up doing something completely different (and it was the best trip of my life), but that dream of going to those three cities stayed with me to this day. Fast forward to now, when I have the whole trip planned and am leaving in three days, my excitement is overflowing… but the slightest hint of fear has settled in my chest: do I really think I can do this?

I have visited countries where I don’t speak the language before by myself: the first time was when I went to Portugal, and it wasn’t until I was on the plane, hearing the pilot give the safety instructions, that I realized I was completely unprepared for what was to come. I didn’t even know how to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in Portuguese. But Portugal (and even Italy) was one thing- if you speak one Latin language, you’ve already got a head start on all the other ones, so I was more prepared than I thought. But I have never been to a country so far from home, in a place that seems so different from what I know and understand, and I certainly have never been by myself for so long by myself.

Being alone does not scare me. In fact, I cherish it. When people hear that I’m doing this trip by myself, they always ask me if I’m going with someone. And when I tell them I’m going alone, they are shocked. Going on vacation ALONE? Am I INSANE? People don’t do things alone anymore. At least, not people my age. And, I know that what I’m going to say has been said by countless others before, but hear me out: young people need to take the time to be alone, especially at this point in our lives. I truly believe that people my age do not value being alone in the way we should: we share our lives on social media, constantly staying connected with everyone we’ve ever known. If we’re feeling lonely, we can go online and peer into everyone’s lives. Doing things like going to the movies or eating in a restaurant alone are seen as things you do when you don’t have friends. People judge those who are alone. I know these might be gross overstatements, but think about it- when was the last time you sent out and did something by yourself and really enjoyed it?

While being alone can have its downsides from time to time, some of the best moments of my life have come from the time I spent by myself. It’s during this time that I get to indulge in being selfish: I go where I want when I want. I always get to pick the music and the restaurant and the time we leave for the airport. I don’t have to wait for anyone to do anything (and as a very impatient person, that means a lot to me), and I never have to compromise. Sure, I don’t get to share the fun, exciting moments with my friends and family, but I get to know myself better each time I do something by myself. I am comfortable with myself; it’s probably the biggest thing I learned from studying abroad. Early on during my time in Paris, I came across a quote that completely changed my outlook on being alone with myself: there is only one person that I will spend every moment of the rest of my life with, and that’s me. If I can’t be comfortable being with myself, I’ve got a long life ahead of me. So, yeah, being on vacation by myself can get lonely or boring from time to time (I like to talk to people, so being alone can be hard for me in that sense), but I am so comfortable with myself after all the time I have spent by myself that I no longer let it bother me- if I want to do something, I am going to do it, and I’m not going to be dependent on other people to live the life I want to have. Life’s far too short for that. And, besides, if one day I get married and have children, I won’t be able to do anything by myself. I might as well take advantage of the fact that no one is dependent on me and that I don’t have to think about anyone but myself while traveling. I have the rest of my life to share my life with people. But, right now, when I am young and stupid and selfish and naïve and adventurous, I am going to explore the world regardless of whether or not I have people coming with me.

And all this time alone and all of this learned comfort and understanding has shown me something very valuable: I like myself. Not in a cocky, obnoxious way, but in a way that allows me to spend two weeks by myself and not hate myself over it. I like being alone because I like myself, and that self confidence and self love was truly only realized in the time I spent traveling alone.

Luckily, my schedule overlaps with many of my friends, so I won’t be completely alone for two weeks, but there will be plenty of time where it’s just me, my headphones, and my thoughts. I’m nervous about being lonely, especially during this time of the year, when the dreary weather tinges my mood, but I think I’m more excited to see the Jewish quarter of Prague, Klimt’s “The Kiss” in Vienna, and seeing Budapest from the Buda Castle than worried about feeling lonely at any point. I am going on an adventure, one that I have been dreaming about for a long time. It sparks something in me, an excitement that lies dormant until it’s time to book the next trip. So here’s to doing the things that excite us and scare us this year and to reigniting the sparks of what make us feel alive.